And Don't Look Back
by Origami
Summary: 13 years after the events in Spirited Away, Chihiro Ogino is returning home to her parents to introduce her boyfriend, Reizo. But while she's there, memories she had long since buried began to reappear. She yearns to banish her doubts and be reunited with
1. Returning Home

.,-+"/** Chapter One - Returning Home **":-,.**  
**

Chihiro Ogino settled back in the seat, her large dark eyes gazing at the passing scenery. Fields and wilderness had gradually given way to houses and small towns. The sun seemed half-hearted in its attempts to shine but managed to bathe everything in a soft, watery glow. Gray clouds gathered limply along the horizon, looking too tired to threaten the land below with precipitation. The 23-year-old girl glanced over at the man sitting in the driver's seat of the car. He was a tall man, a few years older, with a shock of straight brown hair shading his blue eyes.

"How close are we, Reizo?" Chihiro asked him, trying to swallow the uneasiness that rose suddenly in her throat.

"Hmm... we should get there in an hour or two," he replied in a flat voice, watching the road carefully. She sighed, tucking her legs under her chin and turning her head towards the window. An uncomfortable silence seemed to sink into the spirits of both the driver and the passenger. After a few minutes, Reizo Takeshima pulled over to the side of the road and stopped the car. He turned to face Chihiro, who was still staring out the window with an unreadable expression on her smooth face. He wanted to reach over and stroke her cheek, wanted to see her eyes light up and a smile grace her lips.

Instead, Reizo put a hand on her bare arm. It was cold and very pale, as was the rest of her usually tan skin. "Are you feeling okay?" he asked gently, rubbing his fingers over her arm. Chihiro didn't reply. He hesitated, then asked, "Come on, chiclit... if you don't want to go through with this, it's fine. We can turn around and go home."

His girlfriend stiffened at the word 'home', but didn't pull away. In a quiet voice she said, "No, I want my mom and dad to meet you. It's just..." Her beautiful eyes caught his questioning ones and she managed a faint smile, making Reizo catch his breath. He still couldn't believe his luck with this girl. A lot of other men had tried to win her over, but he was the only one she genuinely responded to. Usually Chihiro was so vibrantly enamored with life that men felt they could only ever be her second love. Reizo sometimes felt like the third wheel, but her brilliant smile more than made up for any coldness. He hated times like this, when she seemed to draw all her brightness back inside herself; it made Reizo feel helplessly certain there was nothing he could do, yet fiercely angry at himself. At these times she seemed so mysterious that he despaired of ever truly knowing her.

Chihiro sensed his frustration and seemed to mentally chide herself. "I'm really sorry, Reizo; I guess I'm not good company right now," she apologized, leaning over and resting her head on his shoulder for a moment.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," he said, somewhat distracted by her long, glossy brown hair that fell in waterfalls down his arm. "It'll be the first time your parents meet me, so we're both a little nervous." Reizo wrapped his arm around her shoulders, feeling her relax into his side. Damn, in times like this his whole body ached with love and desire. Lately Chihiro had been so dark, so withdrawn from the world. He felt a stab of happiness that at times like this, he was the only one who could reach beyond her curtain of ice to make her smile, or pull her arms around him. He kissed the top of her hair gently, brushing his lips across her silky hair. They rested like that for a few minutes, then Reizo squeezed her and sat up again. He started the car again as she sat back in her seat, but the atmosphere had considerably lightened.

Chihiro reached into the back seat and pulled out a map. She unfolded it on her lap and kept an eye on their route, correcting Reizo when he got off course. She felt a wave of guilt washing over her, and angrily tried to subdue it. She had every right to be affectionate with her boyfriend! They had been together for almost a year, and he would have to meet her parents sometime. 'But what about Haku?' a traitorous thought whispered. 'You love each other. He promised to be with you again.' But the rest of her hardened mind quickly retaliated. 'Haku was nothing but a hallucination from your childhood. He lies dead with the other dreams you fabricated as a child.' The statement rang a dissonant chord in her mind, and she winced slightly. Her heart knew beyond all doubts that Haku, the bath house, and all her spirit friends did exist. Her skeptical mind was a different matter, molded out of shape by her disbelieving parents and pitying psychiatrists. No, she thought to herself. Zeniba, No-Face, even Haku - they were figments of her imagination. She bit her lip and looked back at the map, ignoring the tears that blotted the surface.

The car sped on through the sprawling suburban areas into a medium-sized city. Chihiro felt something heavy bearing down on her, making it difficult to breathe, as they grew nearer and nearer to the seemingly innocent forest that hung on the edges of the town. Ignoring the feeling, she kept her eyes locked on the road ahead. Her fingers surreptitiously reached down to run over the small woven string she wore around her ankle. The car turned right at an intersection and started down the smaller road, traveling parallel to the town far above them. Not the usual route, but strangely a stab of familiarity pierced her thoughts. Chihiro looked around, biting her lip, as Reizo slowed the car and pulled over onto the shoulder.

"Your parents probably eating lunch right now; maybe we should wait until this afternoon to drop in," he said, turning off the engine and turning to face her. Chihiro could read anxieties in his face similar (and yet so different) to those that occupied her mind. She was only too relieved to agree. They got out of the car and went around to the trunk, digging around for a blanket and some cold sandwiches. "Do you want to go have a picnic in the forest?" he asked, nodding over to the sprawl of trees and shrubs that hung on the edges of the road beyond them. Out of nowhere, recognition hit her like a sandbag to the head. Struggling to keep her face void of emotion, Chihiro shrugged non-committedly. Inside, her heart seemed to rise in her throat as hope suddenly burst through her clouds of uncertainty. What if she could go back into the world of the spirits? What if she could find the way again, somehow? Oh, to see her friends again! To see Haku! Something bitter inside her hissed, 'You're only setting yourself up for disappointment. There's nothing left for you in that land of delusions.' If only, just this once, her secret wishes were granted by some unseen power. Chihiro walked behind Reizo, her faith growing with each step towards the woods.

Reizo walked alongside the road, glad to stretch his legs after the long car ride. He had just noticed that the concrete road was slowly decaying into gravel when he suddenly tripped. Chihiro ran over, helping him up as he brushed the dirt off his knees and scuffed the grass where he had fallen with an angry shoe. His foot found a corner of some hard stone object buried in the ground. Curious, he knelt and dug around the object with his fingers, slowly prying it out of the ground. Chihiro leaned over his shoulder at hearing a sharp intake of breath. Reizo held a small stone house in his dirty hands, shifting it back and forth in puzzlement. "Got any idea what this thing is?" he asked, holding it up for her to see. No response. He turned around to see her walking at a fast pace down the path into the deeper part of the woods. "Chihiro?" he called, then louder, "Chihiro!" Again, she didn't stop or turn around, only disappeared around a curve in the road. After a moment, Reizo dropped the stone sculpture and broke into a half-jog after her. "Chihiro! Wait up!" What the hell was going on?

Chihiro walked swiftly onwards, oblivious to the world around her as her mind whirled with old memories released from their chains. This was the same path that her parents' car had traveled down almost thirteen years ago. Just down this road would be the entrance to her sanctuary, her real home. Ever since she had left, it was as if some part of her had been left behind. A faint prickling sensation filled her eyes, and she blinked furiously. She had not cried since she had woken up alone in a hotel room, the night after she and her parents had returned from the spirit world. There had been no Lin snoring quietly a few steps away, no No-Face watching her silently from a corner, no Haku crouched beside her, brushing her hair from her face. There was only her parents yelling on the phone in the other room, demanding to know why the house had been abandoned by the movers. The unspoken fear on everyone's mind was, 'What happened to the weeks we were gone?' But her parents were too close-minded to accept the possibility that any sort of magic was involved. They firmly decided that absolutely nothing had happened and promptly forgotten the incident.

Chihiro rubbed her eyes firmly and walked faster, determined not to break down and cry for the world she had lost. How far was it? Time and sorrow had blurred her memories. Her ears roared with the waves of some huge ocean crashing down on her, grabbing her and tossing her through the cold waters as her feet hit the gravel steadily, their rhythm increasing in speed and volume until they merged with the throbbing pulse of the tide. She was running now, the currents pushing her towards the ever-nearing shore. Already in her mind's eye she could see the red rooftops of the Bath House and the softly glowing lanterns of the old shops and restaurants. It was as if suddenly she had woken up from a dream world and seen her life surrounding her, bright and sharp and real. Only one thing mattered to her now: getting back to the one true thing in her life, the one true friends. Suddenly, the face of Reizo floated before her. He looked concerned, even a little frightened, and out of breath. She heard him calling her name, but didn't know if she was only imagining it or if he was really shouting at her far behind. Confused, she blinked and the image faded away somewhat sorrowfully and apologetically. 'He's just a dream, nothing in this world was ever really true to me,' she said firmly to herself, 'Haku is more real than Reizo ever was.' But her own words bruised her sense of honor, and she spared a moment from running to glance behind her.

About a few yards away was Reizo, his face pale and worried. Their eyes met and she could see the raw hurt in his eyes, as if he already guessed she was leaving him forever. Not able to bear this and not knowing why, she slowed her pace so he could catch up. There was no harm in saying goodbye to him, she told herself. Then a sudden certainty washed over her and she doubled her pace, pulling away from Reizo's outstretched hand and leaving him standing in the road staring in pain after her. She knew without a doubt that if he reached out to stroke her hair, call her 'chiclit' one more time, she would never have the strength to leave him. How Chihiro was so sure about this, she didn't know. Nor did she want to think about it. Of course Haku was her true love, her perfect mate. They were meant for each other, and even though they were separated her love for him was stronger than any physical tie she had with Reizo. What was this feeling of responsibility for her human boy, then? She pushed it out of her mind and concentrated on running faster, her breath short and quick. Just around this corner, just a few more steps...

Reizo, following close behind her, almost tripped over her as Chihiro sank to her knees suddenly. At her feet was a large pile of rubble and rotting wood, as if a very old building had collapsed there long ago. She brushed her hands across the scattered fragments in front of her, fingering the broken tiles with shock. Her breath came in tiny gasps, her shoulders heaved back and forth as the weight of the circumstances pressed down on her. She would never be able to return to the bath house. She would never be able to see any of her friends again. She could never gaze into Haku's deep dragon eyes and see the love shining back at her, so vivid even back when they were children. Now that they were both adults, she hadn't been able to imagine the life they would share together without feeling light-headed. Now this... now this...


	2. Kasuga the River God

.,-+"/ **Chapter Two - The River God** \":-,.

Reizo stretched languidly in the lawn chair as he watched the night fall. It wasn't exactly "falling" tonight, though. The darkness seemed to deepen at the edges of his vision as the last traces of ruby light were absorbed by the thickening clouds overhead. Though breath-taking, its coldness made him uneasy… even more uneasy than he already was. What was going on with Chihiro, and what had happened back in the forest? She had collapsed in tears and Reizo had carried her back to the car. He had climbed into the back seat with her and held her, rubbing her back as she buried her face in the hollow of his neck and sobbed. Finally, exhausted, she had fallen asleep in his arms, leaving him to gaze upon her with confusion and growing worry. What was she not telling him?

An hour later Chihiro had woken, to all appearances perfectly recovered. She kissed Reizo and told him nothing had happened, she had been a little stressed out but she was fine now. With tender disbelief Reizo had let the subject drop and turned the car around, taking a different route to Chihiro's old home. They had been greeted warmly and enthusiastically by Chihiro's parents, who seemed to approve of Reizo the moment he stepped in the door. Over the course of supper he had been assailed good-naturedly with anecdotes from Chihiro's childhood. Chihiro herself had glowed with delight, poking fun at her father as he embarrassed her or pinching Reizo's thigh when he laughed at her. As the family was clearing the table, Reizo had gone outside to finish his drink and let Chihiro catch up with her parents. Troubled thoughts were sweeping through his head, but he could not quite catch hold of them.

He heard the door open and slam shut, and turning around saw Chihiro approaching with her arms full of old newspapers. She stuck her tongue out at him playfully. "Mom's got us sleeping in separate rooms," she informed him. "God, you'd think we were teenagers or something."

Reizo pretended to pout. "We'll just have to be sneaky, now won't we?" He took half of the papers from her and helped carry them out to the sidewalk. "Where'd you find all these?" he asked, tossing his half of the load into the recycling bin.

"They're cleaning out the basement for the first time since we moved here. I don't know why they kept these old ones." Chihiro waved one paper in front of his face. "Look at these dates!"

Reizo grabbed it from her to examine its headline more closely. "The 'Miracle of the Kasuga River,' huh? That is old news, it must have been more than ten years ago. It happened not too far from here." He shrugged and dropped the paper back on the pile. "My aunt and uncle lived by that river. I don't think they really believed it was anything supernatural, but they were some of the first people to petition for stricter pollution fines and all that."

Chihiro slid her hand into his as they walked back over to the lawn chair. "I don't remember ever hearing about that. What was it?" she asked as she curled up beside him.

"Nothing's very clear about it, and mostly its just been forgotten," Reizo said as he rested his chin on her hair. "The Kasuga River had been incredibly polluted for as long as anyone could remember. You couldn't drink it or swim in it–it was disgusting. Then, thirteen or fourteen years ago, everyone woke the next morning and the river was clean. There wasn't a trace of all that junk or filth; the water was as cold and clean as if it had always been that way." He sighed and kissed the top of Chihiro's head. "That's pretty much all I know about it. Everyone was really excited and all 'anti-pollution' for a while, and a bunch of different religious groups tried to take the credit for the so called miracle. But after a while, they all realized the river didn't heal lepers or bring visions, so the attention died down."

Chihiro yawned as she digested this information. For some reason a wrinkled old face was floating in her mind's eye, cackling at her. She sleepily pushed it away but it kept returning to her again and again. Suddenly she remembered, jerking upright as her mind forged connection after connection. Flashes of memory: the spew of garbage from the river spirit's side, the tendrils of water wrapping themselves around her, the bitter taste of the river spirit's medicine. This Kasuga River must be that same river spirit she had helped those many years ago! It was illogical and yet the only explanation that made sense.

Reizo tightened his hold on Chihiro as she stiffened. He recognized the wild look in her eyes from earlier that afternoon. God, what if she ran off again? "Talk to me, chiclit, please," he pleaded, shaking her gently. "You're scaring the shit out of me. I think I deserve to know what's going on."

_Sorry, but this chapter isn't done yet. It will be finished shortly!_


End file.
